Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Emails of Ernest Hemingway

It is a longstanding tradition to publish the letters of famous authors. But now that no one writes letters, how will we overanalyze the correspondences of great writers to pad our dissertations? I know...we’ll publish the emails of famous authors.

I recently worked with a stable of Ernest Hemingway scholars to sort through the late novelist’s emails, and am currently shopping the collection to big name publishers. A small sampling:

To enabler123@___

Let's grab a drink after dinner. Doesn't matter where.

Sent from my iPhone

To enbabler123@___

Sorry about last night. That bartender was so ugly I had flashbacks to the Italian Front. Let's get a breakfast drink.

Sent from the bartender’s bathtub

To enabler123@____

Remind me never to drink waffle daiquiris again.

Sent from a medic’s iPhone

To otherlostexpat@___

I got so drunk last night I dreamt that Detective Comics was going to do a Nick Adams vs. Batman comic book series. Guess I should stop drinking wry. [LOL!]

Sent from Mall of Mojitos, South Havana location

To great.gatsbeer@___

I bet I could take Jack Dempsey.

Sent from a bipolar high

To great.gatsbeer@___

Dempsey’s punches hurt more than trying to write sober.

Sent from a bipolar low

To publishyourrubbish@___

I think Fitzgerald has a mancrush on me. Will anyone still be reading my books in a world where people say things like “mancrush?”

Sent from a safari undertaken in mounting desperation

To Mother_Earth@___

Please unsubscribe me from your planet.

Sent from Ketchum, Idaho

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