Sunday, October 30, 2011

I know why the married man leers

There is a common perception that married men are more respectful and respectable than single men. More polite. More courteous towards women. Having been around lots of married guys and having seen a few friends make the switch from bachelorhood to husbanddom, I respectfully disagree (which I wouldn't be able to pull off if I were married).

The most shocking and lecherous comments I have witnessed have come from the mouths of married men. This may seem counterintuitive. Isn’t marriage supposed to civilize the male libido?

I believe married men are more openly perverse because they don’t have to play the role of the merry, non-threatening guy women might like to go home with. Single men on the other hand are still on the prowl, so in order to seduce women they must carry themselves with a little more decorum. If you’re actively trying to pick up a gal, you can’t open by saying, “I want to bang you ‘til your hips break.”

Married men are (usually) out of the hunt, so they don’t have to pretend to be decent chaps, hence their tendency to ogle and grope.

Also, as every married man complains, once you leave the chapel, the sex you and your lady once had stays behind in said chapel. So being lecherous becomes your primary means of sexual expression.

But aren’t a lot of single guys equally celibate? Ja, si, and yes, but when you’re a single man, at least in your head there is always the possibility of sex. You don’t feel so cut off from the world of carnal release. Married guys get married thinking it is the best way to secure consistent sex, only to discover they’ve walled off their sexual options for nothing. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that sexual claustrophobia seldom leads to gentlemanly behavior.

Single or married, my tweets are golden:​!/greatMikePayne

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