Monday, May 14, 2012

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF YOUR LIFETIME (since the last one)!

If you live long enough, you get to see firsthand just how stupid people really are.

In the 2004 presidential election, the mantra was "anyone but Bush." Sure we're in trouble, but if we can just get John Kerry in there, maybe there is still time to save the country! Get to the polls: this is the most important election of your lifetime!

Now in 2012 the mantra among Republicans is "anyone but Obama." Sure we're in trouble, but if we can just get Mitt Romney in there, maybe there is still time to save the country! Get to the polls: this is the most important election of your lifetime!

Wow, two "most important elections of my lifetime" in just eight years. I guess no one expected me to live very long.

There is no such thing as a "most important election of a lifetime," because each election is exactly the same. Presidential elections alter nothing.

In 2008, the Obama Apostles ran to the polls seeking change! Instead of change, these adorable do-gooders have been treated to a delightful continuation of Bush's foreign policies (and aggressive interventionism certainly didn't start with Bush; the US has been an international occupying force since McKinley) and domestic brutality.

And those who claim Bush was a free market alternative to Obama seem to have missed his bailout of the banks and and the car companies.

Now if you're a young voter, say 20 or younger, you can't really be expected to appreciate the histrionics of 2004 or the fact that they are being repeated verbatim today. You have an excuse. This is the first MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF YOUR LIFETIME of your lifetime.

But if you are 26 or older, and a believer in the UNPRECENDENTED IMPORTANCE OF THIS ELECTION, you're at best a useful idiot (and probably a useless eater).

It does not matter who holds the musical chair in the Oval Office. Under Bush II, the Republicans captured all three branches of government. There was thundering talk from Republicans and Democrats about the dramatic implications for abortion!

Nothing happened. Nothing changed. The supposedly anti-abortion Republicans had control of all three branches of government and Roe vs. Wade escaped without a scratch on it. The Republican voters who thought this was their chance to stop abortion saw their efforts lead to a whole lotta nothing.

And all the Democratic voters who gnashed their teeth about the impending disappearance of Roe vs Wade thanks to Republican control...also wrong. Nothing happened. Nothing changed.

Take a breath. This is not the most important election of your lifetime. Every election is the same, and it is an airtight bet that each new president is going to be worse than his precedessor. Bamboozled voters sprint to the polls every four years, and appropriately utter the same line beggars use: "Gimme some change, gimme some change!" And like those unfortunate beggars (who also don't see their fortunes change), each time they are left holding an empty cup.

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