Friday, March 8, 2013

Another Phrase to be Retired

Often when a high profile person --a coach, a CEO--quits his job, he announces: I'm quitting to spend more time with my family.

Any time someone utters this upon leaving a job, it means things were going really, really badly and were about to get much, much worse. No one quits anything that is going well, especially not to "spend more time with his family." If someone has a job important enough to require notifying the press of his departure, it means he's spent many nights over many years neglecting his family so that he could attain that position in the first place. You don't become CEO by leaving every day at 5:00 to watch your daughter flop around in ballerina clothes. How convenient that this hyperambitious captain of industry suddenly became a family man the moment his career started to flounder.

You want to spend more time with your family? Kick your least attractive mistress to the curb and quit seeing that shrink every Tuesday. Your paramours and shrink are just crutches to help you deal with the guilt of neglecting your family anyway, so spend those hours at home and you'll solve two problems at once.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Unless, of course, you're using your job and your mistress to avoid your family so you won't do something truly horrible to them and you're trying to talk to your shrink about it.