Sunday, April 7, 2013

13 Slogans You'd See if Tourism Boards were Honest

State and city tourism boards concoct catchy slogans to bait people into visiting; "Virginia is for lovers" (ironic, considering Virginia had anti-sodomy laws until 2003), or "I love New York." National governments spend big bucks promoting themselves around the world: "Incredible India." Most of the time, these slogans either provide no incentive for one to visit--how does commanding me to love New York encourage me to show up?--or they present caricatures of the destination that the government of said destination (the one that financed the caricature) will later complain it doesn't deserve.

Anyway, here are some more accurate slogans to give you an honest picture of some of the places you might think of visiting:

Quebec: A sanctuary for Francophones who have discovered deodorant.

Paris: A place that guilt trips you for not loving your significant other as much as you claim to.

India: An "anti-materialistic" place that materialistic Americans visit so that they can feel better about being materialistic.

London: The only city improved by constant, obscuring fog.

Florida: The one state where being a resident can equally be a sign of big success or complete failure.

Delaware: A territory so desolate it feels the need to catch up to Maryland.

Virginia: West Virginia gentrified.

Pennsylvania: The only state where you can be Amish and not miss anything.

New Jersey: A bogeyman that exists to scare New Yorkers into working harder so they can afford to keep living in New York.

Massachusetts: Thanks to all the brains being turned on at MIT and Harvard, everyone else in the state feels comfortable turning theirs off.

New Hampshire: Live free of relevance and still die.

New York City: Because no one is from there, everyone who lives there wastes all their time obsessing about what it is to be a real New Yorker.

Atlantic City: A place to go when you've seen all the other rest stops in New Jersey.




My Twitter feed; a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there: https://twitter.com/greatMikePayne

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