Thursday, April 11, 2013

The correct answer to the age old question: What is time?

There are no beautiful clocks. Everything to do with time is hideous.

--Robert Aickman

Being a young adult is a time of hitting people with questions you think are mindblowing, but in fact are of little consequence. You walk around thinking you're a divining rod of truth, not realizing that most people have either thought through your earth shaking questions or simply don't care about them. Hell hath nothing more likely to cause indigestion than a 20-year-old muckraker.

A funny example I've witnessed a few times: Young Deep Guy hears someone ask what time it is, and comes out with this BIG little question:

"Hey man, the whole concept of time is all just made up. I mean, think about it, what is time? We've got lunar calendars, solar calendars, the Chinese have a lunar AND solar calendar. We've got daylight savings time where we just c-h-a-n-g-e the clocks! And I bet you didn't know this: American daylight savings time isn't even the same as English daylight savings time! They just make it all up man!"

Uh, sure, but this could be said of any measurement. America uses feet and inches, the rest of the world uses the metric system. The fact that they're different from each other and "made up" doesn't mean they don't still measure something. Whether you're using inches or centimeters, Shaquille O'Neal still bangs his head on doorways and Danny DeVito still uses the doggy door. Everyone knows daylight savings time causes us to SPRING forward and FALL back, yet this doesn't cause us to lose our minds; demonstrating how little the measurement of time matters.

But let's just say you're really onto something, Young Deep Guy. Let's say everyone woke up tomorrow and was like:

[yawn]. Hmmm. What did I do last night? I tell ya, that's the last time I snort Ritalin off a ouijia board. I wonder if I sent anyone any weird texts...wait, hold on...OH MY GOD. I just thought of something. Time as we know it, it's like! What if the universe only has *gasp* two constants? AHHHHHH!!!

If everyone had that revelation tomorrow, guess what would change?


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