Saturday, August 3, 2013

Rockers who are so straight they're gay

Rumors of homosexual experimentation by rock stars like Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie have circulated for years. Even if there were truth to these rumors, does this alleged "experimentation" mean these chaps truly have gay tendencies?

Think about the sheer quantity of women they've had - thousands. Among regular people, a guy with numbers in the high twenties (not counting prostitutes) is considered a major success. Think of the quality of women they've had - actresses, models (both famous and unknown, and let's face it, even Joe Six Pack models are pretty hot), and the top "girls next door" in every town in the world. Think of the kind of extreme sex they've had: massive orgies, twins, mother-daughter; depravity that makes Nero look like Mary Poppins. People talk about "exploring" their sexuality; these guys have explored their sexuality and all its multiverses.*

Rock stars have a bucket list longer than the Golden Gate Bridge, and they still manage to check every box. And when you have truly had all there is to have of women, eventually boredom creeps in, and suddenly having every fantasy fulfilled feels tired and bland. Penelope Cruz is throwing herself at you and you're like "Ugh, meat loaf again?"

After hitting that kind of saturation point, all that's left are men, so perhaps it's not surprising that some rockers would venture a few blocks into the gay part of town. In fact, they might be the only people for whom homosexuality truly is an experiment! To them, starting over with men is like a wacky form of born again virginity.

Makes you wonder if Liberace ever tried similar experiments with women.

*Obviously, other kinds of celebrities get around too, but the kind of devotion musicians cull from their fans seems to lead to far more epic kinkiness.

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