Thursday, April 3, 2014

A worse form of seasonal affect disorder

Yes, it has been a cold winter in America. Yes, we have seen some things we're not used to seeing. The worst part isn't the hypothermia and lost toes; it's the people from routinely frigid parts of the country trying to tell you this winter was no big deal.

Irreparably stupid former Minnesotan: You call this cold? This is how Minnesota is every single winter!

Nice to know Mr. Gunderlundersonsen, but the fact that you were colder in Minnesota ten years ago doesn't make me warmer in New York today.

Also, everyone from cold weather town claims everyone in warmer towns doesn't know how to drive in the snow.

Irreparably stupid former Minnesotan: The second there's an inch of snow here everyone panics and slows down!

Maybe you didn't hear yourself, Mr. Gunderlundersonsen, but you are exposing a hole in your own thesis: If New York winters are no big deal, then it makes perfect sense we wouldn't be accustomed to driving in the snow and would therefore drive more cautiously. You know, 'cause our Februarys are your Augusts. If I drive as quickly in the snow as you, I'll crash, won't I? Given my GALLING LACK OF EXPERIENCE WITH EIGHTEN FOOT BLIZZARDS, my attempting to drive in a snowstorm is like a Mormon trying to drive drunk. Or a woman in Saudi Arabia trying to drive, period.

And you can bet Mr. Gunderlunderson would tell those Saudi women drivers: "What's with all the women here driving slowly? Where I'm from, we have Danica Patrick!"

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