Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's not easy being green (which is why everyone fakes it)

Every woman I know claims to work for a "non-profit." Yet somehow these non-profit workers are able to afford gorgeous Manhattan apartments and 218 pairs of shoes. Many of them rent a separate studio just for their boots.

All of these crusaders express deep, deep concern for the environment. After all, those corporations are bloody mean to Mother Earth (probably another form of misogyny!).

It isn't just shoes. Every woman's house festers with extraneous gee-gaws from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Sur La Table. It teems with unnecessary, constantly updated electronic gizmos. Plenty of waste there (Gaia hates Candy Crush). On OKCupid, half the women list their passport as one of the five things they can't live without. All those plane fights are heavy on the carbon.

The only way to be "green" is not to buy things. Even "green" products still produce waste and burn resources. If you don't consume anything in the first place there is nothing to recycle. Flying around the world so you can call yourself a "global citizen" makes you a bad global citizen.

These gals also pretend to be deeply, terribly, spasmodically concerned about the plight of the Third World. We need to educate (education as we definite it) their women! We need to erase their poverty. Sounds greatEveryone want to see poverty vanish. But now that some of that poverty is fading (market forces are boosting living standards in China, India, Ethiopia, etc.) and some of these gals' affected concerns are being addressed, there is going to be a lot more consumption. And I hate to break it to you, but the rising Third World ain't going to adhere to your (pretended) ideal of the green life. They're going to want air conditioning. And bigger cars. And much more protein. These granola crusaders have no inkling that their brand of "social justice" generates ecological havoc. How do you say pollution in Cantonese and Hindi? WHO KNEW THE EAST HAD SUCH A MATRICIDAL GRUDGE AGAINST MOTHER EARTH???!!!!

These sloganistas want to have their green Earth and their greenhouse gasses too. They work at "non-profits" to "help the Earth" and use their rather profitable salaries to conspicuously consume and fly around seeing the world their flights are contaminating. They seem to think they can absolve themselves by shopping at Whole Foods. Too bad a thousand trips to Whole Foods doesn't undo the effects of your closet full of nonsense. Of course many of them are probably so dense they don't even realize they should feel guilty.

Women in China are being educated and learning to contribute to pollution. Look for Shanghai to experience a Whole Foods explosion any day now.

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