Saturday, May 31, 2014

Horoscopes Lead to Hitler

Have you checked your horoscope today? Have you considered the implications of your horoscope-checking?

In principle, how is astrology different from eugenics? Astrology, like eugenics, is deterministic birthing. Per astrology, being born on February 22 makes you a Pisces and automatically animates you with Pisces characteristics (characteristic; a nicer word for stereotype or generalization...someone call the ADL's emergency hotline). You cannot be nurtured out of being a Pisces. All the Head Start programs in the world can't make you less of a Libra.

When someone only dates Cancers or Geminis, how are they different from a person who won't date Asians? Your astrological sign, like your race, is an accident of birth. How is compulsorily filtering out all Scorpios different from compulsorily filtering out a particular race? Take an argument against dating people with "incompatible signs," replace the word Aries with Jewish, and tell me it doesn't make you a tad uncomfortable.

Like eugenics, astrology could absolutely be a tool for social engineering. Shortage of philosophers? Better get women pregnant around April so we can breed more Sagittariuses. Too many restless yo-yos joining the military? Time to breed and conscript Capricorns!

For many modern folk, hearing the words determinism, stereotypes, and genetics in the same paragraph causes the following side effects:

Inability to have an ErectionSevere
Sexual ProblemsSevere
Altered Interest in Having Sexual IntercourseSevere
DrowsinessLess Severe
DizzyLess Severe
Chronic Trouble SleepingLess Severe
Low EnergyLess Severe
Excessive SweatingLess Severe
Involuntary QuiveringLess Severe
Loss of AppetiteLess Severe
Weight LossLess Severe
Head PainLess Severe
Feel Like Throwing UpLess Severe
GasLess Severe
DiarrheaLess Severe
Stomach CrampsLess Severe

So I find it intriguing we have no trouble with determinism (and associated stereotypes) wrought by the stars. In fact, it appears a majority of young adults even believe astrology is a science. But despite this majority belief in astrological determinism, you don't see progressive pundits screaming until their tonsils melt about how we're all blank astrological slates waiting to be our own special constellation. Wait, what am I talking about: If progressives were to discuss astrology it would only be to coo over the increased acceptance of inter-sign dating.

I wonder what would happen if an NBA owner were (illegally) recorded saying, "Don't bring Leos to the games."

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