Small talk only comes from small brains

I spent many years working many different types of retail, and never ceased to be amazed by how insulting and condescending the public could be. Because of this, I have to talk myself out of drop kicking any customer I witness being condescending and/or trite.

Case in point: fruit stand workers in Manhattan. Across Manhattan, there are gentlemen who stand on the sidewalk in almost any kind of weather and sell a variety of fruits and vegetables at a lower price than you typically find in grocery stores. What a wonderful convenience.

What isn't wonderful is all the nonsensensical small talk and patronizing tripe fruit stand guys are subjected to by the idiot public.

The last two weeks have brought sub-freezing temperatures to New York City, and I keep hearing morons telling the fruit stand guys to "Keep Warm" and "Don't let yourself get too cold!"

Like this guy doesn't know enough to protect himself from the elements when the windchill hits 10 below.

I'd love to hear a fruit stand guy shout back:

Really, you mean mittens are a must when it's so cold not even Pyro can get a match going? I've spent the last six hours using these completely frozen grapefruits to do some duckpin bowling on the sidewalk, and here I was thinking I just had a bad batch. Thanks Human Version of Wikipedia! My humble Bengali roots didn't prepare me for this highly technical knowledge.

If you really want to make these guys feel better, give them a tip.

An Incurable Case of Consumption

Any prole who has worked retail will swear on the King James that customers enter stores with a one-two punch of entitlement and victim's indignation. On the one hand, they believe they are entitled to anything, ANYTHING they request. On the other, they believe that if this hypothetical ANYTHING cannot be procured, they have been sentenced to suffer in ways that would have the Dalai Lama dressing like a goth. Despite living in a land with more consumer choice than any in history, an oinking slab of Americans act like they had no role in choosing the store in which to buy their new can opener, and no alternatives should that store not meet their piggish demands.

Upset that Target's can openers don't come with Immortal Secrets of the East? Try your luck at Wal-Mart. Or Sam's Club. Or Costco. Or Amazon.com. Or Craigslist.

Or you could brush up on an Immortal Secret of the West: can openers open cans, not Immortal Secrets of the East.



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