Viagra killed the almost porn star

I used to do a bit in my act:

You know who I feel bad for when it comes to porn? Fluff girls. Fluff girls are women who stand off camera and perform sex acts on the male porn stars in order to get them excited for the shoot. But here's my question, why don't fluff girls just become porn stars themselves? Because think about it, the only requirement for being a porn star is that you're willing to be a porn star. The only credentials needed are a few holes in your body. And depending on the fetish, sometimes not even those...

How hideous do you have to be to be relegated to fluff girl status? When a porn director makes you a fluff girl, what he's really saying is: "Look, we're willing to put any sex act on tape...just as long as it doesn't involve you."

The bit went through a few incarnations, but I was never happy with it.

Anyway, last year I tried bringing it back with a few new tweaks. After a show a woman came up to me and explained that she worked in porn (behind the camera, I'm sad to report). She explained that my fluff girl bit was all wrong. According to her, the advent of Viagra had made fluff girls obsolete.

This led to an intriguing conversation about some of the technical aspects of porn, but no discussion of the acts themselves. And certainly no talk of me going back to her place for some porn reenactments.

I hope at my funeral they make this story part of my eulogy. It sums up my entire life. My comedy finally leads to a conversation with a woman who works in porn, only she works behind the scenes and only approached me so she could correct one of my bits. It figures that my sole run-in with the porn world would resemble an encounter with the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons (only with smaller tits).


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Taking the hard line

I don't have to tell you that in recent years pharmaceutical companies have blessed the market with impotence drugs; Viagra, Cialis. In response to this, some have tried to sound smart by saying, "They cured impotence before they cured cancer? Definitely a world run by men!"

You know what else they cured before cancer? Polio. Yet I don't hear these "socially aware" suckers whining: "They cured polio before they cured cancer? Definitely a world run by people who want to keep walking."

Most importantly: men also get cancer. Most old guys wish their tumors were less erect.

How far are they going to take this? "They cured impotence before they cured death. Definitely a world run by people who don't want to live forever."